Browsing Year 1999
A young adult’s perspective
| 12:00 am | 0 CommentBy Amber Mccaster and Grade 9[ In a new feature, The Prostate welcomes guest columns from fresh-faced local youngsters with extreme right-wing political views. ] I noticed recently that the taxes on cigarettes have gone up. What I want to know is, which union is responsible for this? In my day we didn't call them unions, we called them common thieves. I'm from a more...
Straight Talk: Vigilantes need to kick crap out of Santa
| 12:00 am | 0 CommentBy Jake Sanders and Winter Holiday Issues ReporterHome invasion stories are a dime a dozen these days. Thugs bash in some geezer's door, rip off their dusty old Magnavox black-and-white boob tube, and deprive them of Matlock, Coronation Street, or whatever the hell else they can pick up with a coat-hanger antenna. Boo hoo. Heard it a million times by now. Hell, more...
McDonald’s is evil, pretty much anyway
| 12:00 am | 0 CommentBy Anonymous BoschPigs get fatter this time of year McDonald's raised the prices of their bi-weekly burger specials. What the fuck? If they weren't such greedy capitalist pigs, they would take a second to think about who they are affecting. Just then they might see the error of their ways. This isn't Russia - the Cold War is over. It's about fucking time our esteemed more...
An immigrant’s perspective
| 12:00 am | 0 CommentBy Ioness Hribal and Grade 9[ In a new regular feature, The Prostate welcomes guest columns from recent immigrants with extreme right-wing political views. ] I would like to let you know something very important. I am immigrant from the Crimea. First of all, I need more quarter. I want money machine in townhouse region. (I also need date, maybe Surrey-girl??) Now, I want more...
Coalition for a Buffoonistic British Canada Policy Statement
| 12:00 am | 0 CommentBy Coalition For A Buffoonistic British CanadaThe coalition (meaning "me") believes it is crucial that the British and French roots of Canada be recognized by all Canadians, particularly those who wouldn't know a Windsor knot if they were strung to a streetlight by one. We are calling for a recognition of Quebec as a place where people can observe French traditions, even more...
We suck! Really!
| 12:00 am | 0 CommentBy Eddie WilliesManagement from all the sporting organizations in Vancouver arranged a press conference at the Radisson Hotel last Friday. The members of the athletic community in Vancouver confirmed for the local media what had been suspected for some time now, that all of Vancouver's athletic teams are absolutely terrible. Brian Hill, Marc Crawford and other more...
Quotable
| 12:00 am | 0 CommentAuthor unknown'I swear 16 I did not know, she tell lies, all lies...hockey been very, very good to me. Vancouver bad.' - Pavel Bure, right winger fo the Florida Panthers, realizing that he was a big wimp and that Gino Odjick taught him to speak more...
No memory – this day in sports
| 12:00 am | 0 CommentBy Jimmy ColdmanNov 29, 3 A.D A little known athlete, who calls himself Jesus, the Jumpin' Jehovah, tears up the wrestling world with his sudden rise in CWWF (Christian World Wrestling Federation) by defeating the current champ, The Magnificent Moses. Nov 29, 1904 Cal Ripken, a spry young player for the Baltimore Orioles has been impressing many in his rookie year. Nov more...
Media whore inducted into Hockey Hall of Fame – Wayne wants people to see him
| 12:00 am | 0 CommentBy Oliver Klozov and Sports ReporterIn typical arrogant athletic fashion, Wayne Gretzky was accepted into the National Hockey League's Hall of Fame. The Great One joins only a handful of players that have jumped past the three-year policy and a large entourage of sports stars who are inconsiderate jerks. "Gretz was a great person to play with, he could always get you the more...
No one really likes lacrosse
| 12:00 am | 0 CommentBy News ServicesA nationwide survey sponsored by the NHL has declared that lacrosse is no longer the national sport. They declare that most people don't even know what lacrosse is and so the government should change our national sport to hockey. "People don't all of a sudden break into a game of lacrosse on the street, at least not anymore," says NHL commissioner Gary more...
