Hello again SFU,
In hopes of starting off on the right foot after the horror that was the Surrey debates, I thought I would do something nice for my fans and show up early. I sacrificed some hard-earned beauty sleep to show up to a room that had two people attending. It occurred to me that no one really cared about the elections or had any clue what was happening. These are issues that all of you complain about day in and day out — I hear you talking non-sensical, Cro-Magnon gibberish — and you all decided to just stay home. Lazy, lazy, lazy.
As I sat back and tried so desperately to stay awake during opening statements, platforms, blah blah blah, I couldn’t believe that I was being subject to this nonsense and reduced to actually putting effort into this.
My speech was huge. I blew them all away with my speech that had such rigour and passion. I also inserted incredibly intelligent words, because clearly I know the best words. The audience were stunned into submission; so stunned, I think I saw a tear roll down some weakling’s cheek.
But what really pissed me off was the number of no-shows that people decided to pull. What, you think you’re too good to debate? I’ll tell you who’s too good: ME. And even I decided to show up and pity the masses. You all need to check yourself, because it’s not over yet. The only person that can pull of that no-show move is me.
I will be the greatest SFSS president that God ever created, one that can move people to tears with my word and come out on top even after being manhandled by some “security guards.”
Grace N. Howl
*All documentation has been personally received by Rachel Wong*