Posted in Humour

SFU Replies

This is a column dedicated to questions for SFU Grand Leaders to answer questions regarding The Students’ Republic of SFU. Have a question? Send it to copy@the-peak.ca!

Cheerful Students Walking On Campus
Image Credits: Gabriel Yeung

Hey SFU,

I’m a history student, and I’m wondering if I can learn more about the portal that opened up two months ago, days before the current school government took control from the previous oppressors.

We all know it’s controlled by belief, but how did it open in the first place? Just curious.

You know, for history.

Maria Cole, gender: F, dept: history, BT: A, GPA: 3.2, good standing

 

Maria,

I will certainly address your concern, but I should take a moment to draw attention to what is on the minds of everyone at the Students’ Republic of SFU. What is not on everyone’s mind, I should say; the resulting destruction of Dr. Wolf Mann, the wolfman.

SFU students: yes, Dr. Mann does not exist. With a heavy heart, we admit that. He did exist, because we real individuals, as a collective, made it so. But we have imagined him out of existence. I, too, have lost the power to believe in his existence, giving into pressure from the Republic’s collective consciousness.

But I can assure you that the remainder of SFU’s governance continues to exist strongly, because we’re real. We’re real and you remember that we’re real, and there’s no reason to think otherwise. Your respect and, indeed, your fears are real. We are real. You don’t want to drive yourself insane by the thought of our non-existence.

After all, if we didn’t exist, how could you be reading this right now? How could you have spoken to us? How could we have names? How could you remember us so vividly, as if from even before you met us? A story.

A story.

I’m sorry, SFU students: can’t think straight. I’m tired.

i’m tired.

So you’re wondering about the portal that makes The Students’ Republic of SFU great. It is indeed opened by belief, but not only belief.

i feel light.

It’s also opened by intent. One would have to have the intent to close the portal permanently.

we as a collective believed in our existence, and we focused, and we opened, and we built our Students’ Republic of SFU.

SFU is strong. We are strong, if we are together, because we    all

we all exist, SFU

best,

the sphynx

sfu president

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