Posted in Humour, Top Humour

The Crank Files: 2Pac and Kimbo Slice are alive in Cuba

Makaveli has recruited the aging mixed martial artist to be a general in his war

Image Credits: Zachary Chan

This month we lost legendary MMA fighter Kimbo Slice — or at the very least, that’s what the media wants us to think.

This former street fighter turned MMA pro reportedly died due to heart failure. To that, I say bullshit. Pictures, taken by an anonymous fellow traveller in hidden truths, show Slice drinking margaritas in Havana, Cuba with none other than long-lost rapper Tupac Shakur.

Now those of us in the uncomfortable truth-telling biz have always known ‘Pac never really died but instead faked his own demise. For years though, we were called crazy by his family and friends, the authorities, and mental health professionals alike. But with photographic proof that can 100 percent be authenticated, we now know ‘Pac is indeed alive, along with Kimbo Slice. The question is: what are they doing and why did they fake their deaths? Now, this required some digging.

For years we have known that ‘Pac’s final album Don Killuminati was a testament of his agenda to resist Illuminati control. Recent leaked satellite photos from the National Security Agency reveal that former training grounds used by the Cuban military in the 1960s are seeing new activity. Troop manoeuvres, military engineering, and active missile silos — it’s foolproof logic of an anti-Illuminati resistance army being trained, and not as some would suggest merely old photos of Cuban activity in 1962 during the Missile Crisis.

Did ‘Pac help Kimbo fake his death so as to provide combat training for the anti-Illuminati army? It seems highly likely, as every great leader needs a general. Roosevelt had Patton, Churchill had Montgomery, and now Shakur has Slice. The Illuminati should be on their toes, because the liberation is coming quick, buddy. Say your prayers, you Illuminatus shills, and Hail Mary!