Being sexy for others is challenging. There are so many factors to consider, such as what others do and don’t find attractive, and what you’re comfortable with doing in the name of ‘sexiness.’ For lack of a better phrase, it’s a total fucking shitshow.
Walking into any La Senza, Victoria’s Secret, or Swimco can be overwhelming if you are just looking for a generic bra to get you through the day, or a bathing suit so that you can actually go to the beach for once. You are bombarded, from the moment you walk in, by models with perfect bodies, and bras that will make you go up two cup sizes. Quite frankly, the whole process causes me to hyperventilate and become clammy — my mom can confirm this unfortunate reaction.
Sometimes, though, I decide to live a little and seek out something that isn’t as practical — something sexy. Once I do this, all the usual shopping anxiety that I have being a bigger and bustier girl disappears. I am in the clothing department to live my best life, societal expectations be damned. Shopping then becomes less about being sexy for someone else and more about being sexy for myself.
It’s so liberating, it makes me want to run around in lingerie and make the world my runway. I know I can’t do this, given that I would rather not be arrested, but I also don’t want the feeling to disappear, either.
Then I realize that I actually can make the world my runway: I just need to wear clothes overtop. My sexy feelings don’t melt away; if anything, they become stronger.
Feeling sexy isn’t just about bras and bathing suits.
The thought of being able to wear more than just your standard bra and panties out in public when nobody else knows about it feels to me like a shot of confidence and sexual empowerment. I feel sexy and I don’t care who looks at me — well, I do, but it seems like less of a big deal to have the creepy guy on the train smile at you when the cute guy behind him is clearly checking you out.
Feeling sexy isn’t just about bras and bathing suits, though. Some days I’ll wear blue lipstick, or run around in a hoodie and sweatpants with unwashed hair, and I will feel the exact same as if I were wearing lace. There is something strangely comforting about being able to feel sexy while doing something that is viewed as decidedly unsexy.
Feeling sexy changes how I react and present myself to others — whether or not I want to sleep with them. I carry myself differently, treat people better, and I’m not afraid to seek out what I know I deserve.
This is why I gave up on being sexy for others and decided to be sexy for myself first. It makes me a better person, it makes me more confident, and most of all it makes me feel more empowered as a woman.