Posted in Humour, Top Humour

Inevitable gimmicks SFU admin will use to distract you from real campus issues

A gondola to campus isn’t the only thing on the drawing board

magic eraser
Image Credits: Max Hill & Phoebe Lim

Dr. Petter Magic Mould Eraser

magic eraser

The Dr. Petter Magic Mould Eraser is tough on university-eating fungus. This product is also guaranteed to keep nosy health and safety officers off your campus, so you can do more of what you’re good at: studying for bell-curved classes you’ve already failed!

 

SFU Residence blinders and earmuffs

muffs

Whether it’s the shrill cry of TAs fighting for a living wage or alleged security scandals in the SFU dorms, help the admin keep your campus just the way it is by blocking all of it away. After all, nothing says engaging the student body like sensory deprivation!

 

SFU condoms

condom

Getting fucked over by high tuition and book costs from SFU? Grab a pack of SFU-brand condoms! They won’t give you all that much relief, but they are ribbed for your pleasure, and way overpriced — just like everything else at the bookstore.

 

Another SFU legacy song contest

legacy song

Whether you love our current song, hate it, or had no fucking clue we had one to begin with, get ready for the inescapable torture of another contest for something nobody gave a shit about the first time. And no offence, Brett and Caleb, but “Simon Fraser Anthem (Sh*t SFU Says Remix)” did it better. 

 

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