Posted in Opinions

Woohoo, Boohoo

Drills vs Drills


Woohoo: Drills

Check out humanity’s least-boring innovations. They provide a valid reason to invite your attractive dentist to get all up in your mouth and fill your cavities, if you know what I mean. They help us build sturdy structures like underground bunkers for cults. They even make performing Neolithic trepanning rituals on Squad™ so easy when their defeated enemies’ salty ghosts possess them.

Dangerous? Obviously — wear goggles. If you do lose important facial features, the scars will tell one heck of a story.


Boohoo: Drills

My life’s already up in flames; don’t remind me that my surroundings could go the same way without warning. Fire drills leave me standing in winter chills that make me wish I’d been victimized by arson.

Earthquake drills were another horror. Hiding under your desk for 60 seconds eases academic monotony until you look up at the gifts your predecessors left. Or, worse – you don’t look up, and thereafter find those presents trapped in your hair.
There’s a reason I don’t chew.