Posted in Humour

Five pumpkin-y products you absolutely need right now

If you’re not already obsessed with pumpkins, you’re out of your damn mind

Image Credits: Irene Lo

The beginning of autumn can mean only one thing: the emergence of pumpkin spice. Starbucks rolled out its pumpkin spice latte on September 1, even before we could sober up from our summer mojitos and margaritas. But don’t be basic and succumb to the over-commercialized, mainstream pumpkin spice products! Here are five pumpkin-y things that will get all the basic girls asking, “Where can I buy that?!”


Pumpkin patch socks


OK, confession time: you have something funky going on with your feet and you are uber self-conscious about it. Not to worry! These cute pumpkin socks (patterned with your choice of happy or scary jack-o’-lanterns) thrive on foot sweat. The more sweat, the more pumpkin smell you get. Soon, you’ll have people asking if you stepped in pumpkin pie!


Pumpkin-lined mugs


Why should your drink get all the fun? This mug is lined with layers and layers of pumpkin-infused chemicals. Fill your mug and let the chemicals mix with your coffee or hot water! Also available in pumpkin-lined solo cups, for all of your frat party needs.


Pumpkin spice toothpaste


Because nothing says gum disease-fighting, cavity-reducing super toothpaste like pumpkin spice toothpaste. Fight sugar with more sugar! That cinnamon toothpaste shit is nasty anyway.


Cutie pumpkin pie scented lingerie


Victoria’s Secret ain’t got nothing on this sexy new lingerie line. Slip into something that makes you feel like the badass warden of the pumpkin patch that you truly are on the inside, while smelling exactly like a freshly baked pumpkin pie from grandma’s oven. Give him that sugar and spice and everything naughty!


Pumpkin pumpkins (a.k.a. pumpkin Trump-kins)

This is the ultimate pumpkin experience for all you pumpkin enthusiasts out there! Pumpkins of today are not at the calibre of pumpkin-ness that our ancestors used to eat hundreds of years ago. These pumpkins have two times more seeds, two times more inner gunk to scoop out, two times more pumpkin potent, and five times more orange. Trump gives his seal of approval on this one, and now you know what he bases his spray tan off of!