Being passive aggressive isn’t just a behaviour, it’s a lifestyle. It’s a delicate mixture of being clever and vindictive, delivered in a delightfully snarky way. If you’re looking to add more drama into your life, let this not-so-friendly gift list be your guide.
A stationery set for the asshole who never sent a thank-you card
No, really, it’s fine that you never sent a thank-you card. Truly, I only spent hours trying to figure out the perfect gift, and then paid for it with my own hard-earned money. Don’t worry about it. The fact that the set’s letterhead says “Thank You” at the top means nothing — honestly.
A planner for the dickhead who forgot your dinner plans/birthday/anniversary/etc.
OK, so I’ve already written down every important event that has to do with me for the next month. Additionally, I’ve added weekly reminders — all you have to do is read, and then show up on time. Do you think you can manage that?
An unloaded Starbucks card for the regular customer who doesn’t tip you
Not so fun seeing zeros when you expected money, is it now? Let’s see how much you like it when you can’t afford to treat yo’ self.
A pack of diapers for the friend who just won’t grow up
What do you mean you’re in your 20s? With the amount of whining you do, I could have sworn you were a toddler. You’re really not going to like the food I brought, then: it’s baby formula. Annnnnd now you’re crying. Do you see why I thought you were a literal infant?
A swift kick to the nuts for the misogynist in your life
Fuck you, my dude.