Posted in Humour

Reasons you’re voting for Clinton/Trump

Dear Americans, I’m so sorry that you’re fucked either way

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Headline: Why you’re voting for DRUMPF

1. It’s time that politics get honest! So let’s have the wealthy elite run things openly.

2. You’re not sure why all these people are here chanting “Trump,” but you enjoy loud noises. Like guns — they excite you.

3. You’re tired of politicians’ tricks, like facts and reason.

4. You’re totally not racist or anything but you just want to make America whi– . . . er,  great again.

5. You’re totally not racist or anything but they are stealing your jobs.

6. You’re totally not racist or anything but they are Mexicans you love taco bowls, though.

7.  You’re totally not racist or anything, but you find yourself explaining why you aren’t a racist quite often. Donald Trump will sort that out. 

8. Life is a joke anyway. You can see the humour in any situation.

9. You’re Vladimir Putin.

10. You just want to see the world burn..

Headline: Why you’re voting for the Good Wife

1. You’re like, totally a feminist.

2. Politicians make promises all the time without delivering any real change. That’s just the way politics work.

3. Pantsuits are so in right now.

4. Wall Street needs love, too.

5. What’s an election without a few scandals?

6. Emails? To be honest I never paid much attention, it sounded pretty boring.

7. You have this strange notion that years of experience in government is a better qualification for
becoming president than being a shitty businessman with a reality TV show.

8. Your teacher will fail you if you don’t vote.

9.  At least Hillary will have someone to manage her emails for her in the White House.

10. You’d rather not experience nuclear war.