Posted in Humour


The post-secondary confesses its secrets

Image Credits: Janis McMath


I’m fucking sick of midterm season. To all the profs who’ve gotten too tipsy off of palm bays to figure out maths: sober up and learn how to read a damn calendar! If you think the MIDdle of the term is week 3 then you do not have the math skills 2 be an econ prof you piece of shit!! every semester I spend like 7 weeks listening to your baby ass students crying about your stupid bell curve or whatever. I am TIRED of being sleepless & smelling like stress diarrhea. for the love of god, stop being so damn self-centred!!


This one time I farted in lecture, so I sounded the fire alarm to cover it up

….. just saying 😉


I didn’t make good friends. I thought being a university was going to be so much more fun than being a prison. unfortunately, the other schools in my area are super antisocial, and the ones that aren’t are such fake-ass friends. ubc can never be bothered to take some damn transit to come see me, which means the onus is always on me… you could call me the “commuter campus” hahaha sigh… uvic has to cross the damn ocean, wtf is your excuse? bitch.


I pay SO much to be here. I guess I can’t be too mad since I have my admin to manage my money… but daaaamn I pay so much for these shitty ass kids to befoul my insides and they can’t even respect me. you thought you had it bad when your tuition jumped 2? do u know how much it costs to fix the toilets after these little shits show how little they know about taking shits? or how about all the damn dithering about whether or not they want me to buy a stadium? I wanna move out.


I don’t want your PDA!!!! Look… idc about your big sex drive. But for the love of god, take that shit elsewhere. Do you think I like being reminded of how badly this mountaintop keeps me cold turkey? It is already difficult enough to seduce douglas college new west with all the ugly concrete and my “chains and bars” aesthetic. you are too much 4 my virgin self. please drop out immediately.


Translink sucks. Translink’s buses are always spitting gasoline vape fumes on my natural mountain atmosphere like it’s going out of style. Are you serious. These kids want an education? Hike, assholes. NORMALIZE NATURE WALKS 2017.