The Peak

Thank God for Altar Boyz

By Tessa Perkins, Associate Staff Contributor

Altar Boyz performs at the Surrey Arts Centre until January 31.

This “sinfully funny” musical had me in fits of laughter for an hour and a half straight. The concept of the show alone is enough to make you chuckle: a boy-band whose goal is to cleanse the souls of their audience members and promote Catholicism through cheesy pop songs. The five singers are backed by a four-piece band and sing hits such as “Church Rulez” and “The Miracle Song.” Each band member has a distinct personality and embodies certain stereotypes: Abraham the Jew, Luke the jock, Juan the Mexican, Mark the gay, and Matthew their leader.

In the lobby before the show, the audience has a chance to confess their sins to the Altar Boyz by filling out an “Official Altar Boyz Confession Card” that claims “absolution results may vary” and advises you to “talk to your pastor or religious professional to see if God’s grace is right for you.” I was laughing before the show even started! There is also an announcer to psyche you up and let you know that “The Altar Boyz will be rocking your world in 10 minutes” as if they are a world-famous rock band.

To determine how many audience members have souls that need help, the Boyz bring the Sony “Soul Sensor DX 12” on stage and it displays a number. During the show, the Boyz attempt to bring the number of souls in danger to zero. They recount the story of the band’s “genesis” by re-enacting the day they first met each other, and God’s voice booms that they shall form a boy-band and sing pop songs to help lost souls. Another highlight of the show is when Juan has his prayers answered: his long lost parents are finally found (in the ground under an oak tree, so be careful what you pray for).

Even though the boys all went to Catholic school and bible camp, they use gangster slang to try and sound cool saying things like “Yo dog, God is where it’s at” and “We’ve got a surprizzle for you at the end of the shizzle.” This only made them even more hilarious as they sang about the miracles of God and proclaimed that “God put the rhythm in me.” They even used Lambchop puppets while they sang about everyone fitting in God’s family.

The performance was so well done that I’m sure some people were scratching their head as they left, uncertain if they had just been truly converted or if they should be offended. In between all their singing and dancing, the Boyz even managed to throw in a few Surrey jokes which included commenting on the high number of affected souls by saying “Well, we’ve never played Surrey before.” The Altar Boyz are extremely talented at both singing and dancing, and they kept the show fun and exciting from beginning to end. With lyrics like “Jesus called me on my cell phone” and “Girl, you make me wanna wait,” how can you go wrong? This brilliant parody will save your troubled soul through laughter whether you need it or not, so go see Altar Boyz before it’s too late! You’ll thank God you did. Amen.