The Peak

Ackbar dominates SFSS debate

By John Morrison III

Student Society election debates were heated this year, particularly between presidential candidates Leia Organa-Solo and Admiral Ackbar.

While Organa-Solo spent the majority of her time defending personal and professional accusations, Ackbar was able to concentrate on his platform, which focuses on sustainability, improving transportation to campus, and lowering tuition fees.

“As a native of the ocean world Mon Calamari, sustainability is of the utmost importance to me,” stated a somber Ackbar during his question period, before recalling the capture of his late wife and children, who were caught in a net made of plastic six-pack holders.

He also promised to work with TransLink to improve transit.

“If elected, I will demand that TransLink install hyperdrive units on all buses to campus,” he proposed.

The Admiral, who previously served a term as Supreme Commander of the SFSS, also pledged to continue his campaign to lower tuition fees.

“Our students can’t repel fees of that magnitude!” exclaimed an impassioned Ackbar, pledging to lobby the provincial government for more post-secondary funding.

When asked how he intends to do so, he insisted, “We’ve got to give our protestors more time, concentrate all lobbying on that ministry of education!”

While she tried to focus on her experience and leadership skills, Organa-Solo was forced to spend the bulk of her question period responding to several accusations plaguing her campaign.

Organa-Solo, who was once the princess of her home planet of Alderaan, was accused of sloppy leadership that resulted in the planet’s destruction by the Death Star.

“I tried to get Dantooine to take the fall!” the candidate said in her defense, much to the protest of Dantooinian students in the audience.

The supposed conflict of interest involving her marriage to alleged smuggler Han Solo was also brought into question, as dissenters claimed it might make her subject to temptation to commit illegal activities.

“He may be a scoundrel, but I happen to like nice men!” claimed the distressed candidate, visibly shaken by the speculation.

Organa-Solo’s closing statement offered little retribution, while her opponent solidified his support by pointing out that his name is an anagram of ‘Barack’.

“Coincidence? I certainly don’t think so,” Ackbar claimed. The audience erupted into applcause when he used his famous catchphrase in warning students, “Don’t vote for Leia — it’s a trap!”

Vote online March 16 - 18. Check your SFU email for details.