Posts in Humour

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Kama Sit-ra

Missionary Your classic classroom sleeper. Simply try your best to keep your eyes open after the first half hour of class. Eventually, give in and put your head down on your desk — pray that your prof doesn’t notice you. Reverse Cowgirl Perfect for classrooms with rolly chairs. Roll yourself into a nice corner and […]

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SFU campuses ranked by sex appeal

Probably the least sexy thing on the planet would be the place you go to school. It’s where you sit and listen to someone talk for way longer than you’d like, and stress over how much you have to do. But we go to a school that was almost named “Fraser University” and would have […]

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SFSS turns Highland Pub into marijuana dispensary

In an effort to curb the constant money hemorrhaging of the Highland Pub, the Simon Fraser Student Society (SFSS) has decided to turn it into the City of Burnaby’s and SFU’s first marijuana dispensary. “It’s a great idea. I don’t know why they didn’t do it sooner,” said Brendan Bunkis, a first-year business student. “Finally, […]

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The Cheapo’s Guide to Valentine’s Day

Listen single people, I know February is seen as a month-long Greek tragedy, but the truth is that this is a celebration of you, yourself, and all the money you’re going to save. There’s nothing that says “Happy Valentine’s to me” more than a few extra bucks in your wallet (you know, just in case […]

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SARRS rampages through SFU, start of outbreak could be deadly

Even though there has been no case of Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS) reported worldwide since 2004, there’s a new type of SARRS in town — and it’ll leave you feeling just as sick. A new club on campus, fueled by the rise of nazis in America as well as the general indecency of people […]

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Life as a Disney Princess

Snow White Pros: Rent is super cheap when split with seven other roommates.   Cons: How can you possibly enjoy apple pie after going through a poisoned-fruit fiasco? Belle Pros: In your own personal library, you never have to fight some dude playing Candy Crush for a spot to spread your crap and study, and […]

CoraFu - Dog Love

I sniffed you

Looking for the“good boy” You were tied up outside of a Whole Foods Market wearing a red collar. You were waiting for your human, being a good boy. I was walking with my human, also being a good boy. Maybe we could be good boys together sometime?   When: daytime Where:  the whole foods near […]

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Horoscopes for dumb shits (Jan 30th—Feb 5th)

ARIES This is the week to give into bad impulses, Aries. You should message your ex. You should eat all the delicious lactose-filled desserts even though you’re outrageously lactose intolerant. Violent diarrhea is a small price to pay for all the hollow joys of giving in.     TAURUS Sobriety has been affecting you in many […]

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