Posts in Humour

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How to take a good nude

If you are a heterosexual male who says “No homo, bro,” after bestowing your friend with some love, I prohibit you from reading further; you are also the same individual who would say, “Netflix and chill?” to anything that moves. If you are a human being with a mind as wide as the ocean, in […]

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Horoscopes for dumb shits

ARIES: You’ve been a bit off the handle recently, Aries. Do you remember that alarmingly dramatic incident where you nearly lost your pinky toe? Of course you don’t, you silly drunk bitch. It’s time to step back and clean up your cum-stained life. TAURUS: Keep your eyes open for betrayal, Taurus. You’ve been an asshole […]

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Baby on plane actually crying about her carbon footprint

Ever been on a plane and had a baby cry nonstop the entire flight? Well, those cries may have the intention of bringing you back down to Earth. Flora Goldenflower may only be three months old, but has the ethical conscience of a hipster who only eats organic and reminds everyone to compost every piece […]

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Snowmageddon: A Vancouverite’s guide to dealing with snow

The recent dumping of snow over our city has left Vancouverites feeling defenseless, hopeless, and just plain useless at times. We’re talking about people whose driving skills are even further challenged and grown men fighting over salt. So even though snow isn’t cool, here is a guide on how Vancouverites should decently deal with it. […]

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SPOOF: Famous Feuds of 2016

SFU Exams vs. The Snow What’s this? What’s this? What the fuck is this?! Snow is a big cock-slap in the face, and Metro Vancouver had that frozen dick whap her right on her pink cheeks this winter. SFU felt the whiplash of the cock-slap over the exam period — cancelling and rescheduling a plethora […]

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SPOOF: The Short List

Larissa Chen It has been an incredible feat that while she was initially elected as VP student services representative, Larissa Chen quickly rose to her new title as Simon Fraser Student Society (SFSS) president when Deepak failed to enroll in class for the summer 2016 semester. Her spritely spirit continues in her role as president […]

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SPOOF: SFU’s Firsts and Lasts of 2016

Firsts March 13 – First time president Petter emerged from his office after five months of hibernation April 21 – First time the Highland Pub shockingly announced they were running a deficit June 3 – First time an SFSS president had to resign due to not being a registered student July 6 – First time […]

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SPOOF: The Mascot of the Year

It’s midday on Burnaby Mountain and the air is thin and frosty. With the exam period over and the new semester still weeks away, few of the university’s nearly 30,000 students remain on campus, with most students in residence having gone home for the holidays. The quiet is only broken by the occasional howls and […]

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Hot new slang to use in 2017

Lemon-sucking fuck-face: Bae is a lazy acronym for lazy lovers who blow their load before you can even start thinking about having an orgasm. You left that premature motherfucker in 2016 for better dick, and you should leave the term bae along with him.    Lemon-sucking fuck-face is a much better term of endearment. The […]

“Santa is real,” and other acceptable lies to tell children

I don’t have a favourite child Those of us who have siblings remember a time when our sibling received special treatment, and out of jealousy, we accused our parents of preferential treatment. Depending on how well your parent lied, you either walked away knowing that wasn’t the case, or hardened and emotionally scarred. We later […]

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