Jordano Tonial
Obama challenges Assad to game of basketball for control of Syria
October 15, 2013WASHINGTON — After watching Space Jam with his daughters Malia and Sasha over this past weekend, President Barack Obama made a public challenge to the Assad regime: a game basketball to decide the fate of Syria. The stakes will be high; with a win the Assad regime would be given back full-autonomous control of the country, while a loss would mandate a final surrender of their sovereignty rights. “I think this is a marvellous opportunity for us to put this matter to bed once and for all,” explained Obama in response to the American populace who found his urge to…
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Ugandans lend hand to combat American obesity epidemic
October 7, 2013YKAMPALA — In an effort to raise awareness about the rising rate of obesity in America, citizens of Uganda are showing solidarity by refraining from any sort of physical activity for 30 straight hours; an event known as the ‘30…
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American Express CEO vows to attract more customers with bad credit
September 30, 2013NEW YORK — In a brief moment of honesty, American Express CEO Kenneth Chenault announced to reporters that the company’s recent financial difficulties had to do with attracting “the wrong kind of customer.” The majority of American Express’s customers were…
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