Posted in Humour, Top Humour

Seven existential thoughts you’ve had in a Starbucks line

The coffee is strong enough to wake you up to the truth of your life

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Image Credits: Eleanor Qu

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1. When the only thing that’s popping in your life is the cake pop

 

They look like the life of the party on the food shelf at Starbucks, and yet the only party you’ve attended recently was the social event of a club on campus with free pizza.

 

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2. When you hear someone order the infamous pumpkin spice latte

 

At this point, you know fall has definitely set in. You start to wonder why summer exists at all — a glimmer of hope, forgotten the second Canvas starts reminding you about the million assignments that are all due. You will never understand nor dare to defy the educational system.

 

3. When you realize that the Starbucks coffee cups are white, even though black traps more heat

This is when you grasp the fact that we are all individual souls in an infinite space-time continuum where everyone acts in their own self-interest. If Starbucks really cared about you, they would want the only thing that keeps you warm in Raincouver to stay warm a minute longer. 

 

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4. When you become aware that there are more tea options in the Teavana section than there are people in the world whom you can call for your midday breakdown

The only thing worse than having a breakdown is knowing that you can’t talk about your existential angst to the barista when she utters “Hi! How can I help you?” So, instead, you take your passion tango shaken iced tea to make up for the passion lacking in your life.



5. When your eyes stumble upon the “customize any drink” option on the menu


In that moment, when your heart is as heavy as your workload and you can’t get your shit together, you casually wonder why homework cannot be customized, too. Afterwards, you question your insignificance as a person — one who will never have control over all the time they must commit to a suffocating amount of schoolwork.

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6. When the barista asks, “Would you like to try our new drinks for the season?”

In your head you say, “I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative, one I have never asked to be a part of,” because you’ve become an old soul who has forgotten how to relish in the new joys of life.

 

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7. When you order the chai latte for the cultural experience

Unless you are an international student from India like me, the truth is you will never know what chai actually tastes like. Nonetheless, you willingly bend to the forces of our capitalist society and start to question your hollow attempts at leading an authentic existence. 

 

 

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