Posted in Humour

Five reasons why you should free your titties

Aerate your alluring areolae

free-your-titties
Image Credits: Charlotte Steele

Ah, behold the long-revered human body parts: the breasts. With their supple curves and eye-popping areolae, they have made many gasp with delight throughout the ages. Here are five reasons why they should be out in their splendid glory.

 

  1. Bras are basically boob prisons.

    Don’t give me any of this “You need a bra for support” bullshit. There is a metal wire under my boobs and it’s just annoying AF, OK? There are also days when that metal wire unleashes its poking wrath upon my titties and my entire day goes to hell which is exactly where bras should burn and rot. It’s where they belong.


  2. They need to do the jiggly wiggly.

    Boobs jiggle, and they need to be free to jiggle whenever they damn well please. If the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms includes mobility rights, those rights should apply to my boobs.

  3. Boobs are beautiful works of art.

    Who wants to look at a corporate, manufactured Victoria’s Secret piece of lingerie when the parts that it will be covering up are the real stars of the show? They are the original Victoria’s Secret angels, excuse you, and they will be having a fashion show of their own.

  4. Nipples want to say hello sometimes.

    If there was a body part equivalent of a sad child wearing a dunce cap sitting in a corner, it would be the nipples. Why did we create undergarments that hide them away and create an illusion of a perfectly smooth boob? I, for one, think that nipples need to have their moment in the spotlight — pointy peaks out of shirts and all.

  5. They aren’t sexual objects.

    *feminist mic drop*

 

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