Anyone who’s ever accompanied me for a dinner date knows my sugar addiction inside and out. If modern science could just harness my pure little sweet tooth’s power, we could scrap all our efforts to find clean and alternative energy sources right here and now.
Contrary to what I put out there in my daily life, I’m awfully self-conscious about my glucose-loving heart. It’s no wonder, then, that I have so much love in my heart for a day where you’re theoretically free to chomp as much chocolate as you desire without reproach.
But there’s a gruesome Grinch in all of this who spoils the fun of drawing near the edge of spoiling your teeth. The devil of despair who shames you for willingly pumping yourself full of beautifully saccharine poison: the modern online dietitian.
As I scroll through the latest Halloween-themed hot takes on Google News, I’ll inevitably come across articles telling me which candies are the most unhealthy, or quizzing me on the calorie counts of each variety. They’re even scaring me with urban legends of drugged candy — which more often than not, turn out to be less a product of random lacings and more a result of, say, poisonings by family members or coincidences.
And honestly? Maybe this is an overreaction, but it’s all just so extra.
Candy isn’t good for you? Thanks, tips! Of course it’s not the healthiest — it’s not designed to be. I’m indulging by the bucketfuls on Halloween precisely because it’s a special occasion and I can afford to disregard the dangers for one day. Parents, children, teens, young adults — maybe we can’t memorize the nutritional information of a Snickers bar, but we all know that candy can be bad in excess.
As a result, when people write Halloween-based articles about the supposed dangers of excessive candy, it reads like a total waste of my time. You’re not telling me anything new; you’re just tarnishing my holiday to fill whatever quota you need to for your employer this week, or to satisfy whatever urge drives you to voice your opinions on everyone else’s health.
That is what my frustration really boils down to. I’m a grown-ass person, as is a good amount of the Earth’s population. Yet even outside of articles, there are so many people who feel the need to make snide comments about how other people eat.
I’ll freely admit that I personally invite it sometimes, too, because I acknowledge that I’m a big eater, and I’m able to laugh at myself for it and try to be mindful of not crossing a line with my health. But one person being able to deal with a behaviour doesn’t make it universally acceptable.
It’s great to want to encourage people to treat their bodies better, and many will thank you for it. But Halloween isn’t the day, and spoiling a candy-haul isn’t the method. I really, really don’t care if I hit “15 grams of carbohydrates” this year, and you shouldn’t be making others feel bad for doing so. Let me live out my sweetly pumpkin-y fantasies in peace.