Posted in Humour

How Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space” predicted the Trump presidency

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Image Credits: Cora Fu

Popular singer-songwriter Taylor Swift, known for songs such as “Love Story and “Shake it Off,” has been revealed to be gifted with powers of precognition beyond that of mortal man, after it came to light that she had warned the world of current president-elect Donald Trump in the lyrics of her hit 2014 song “Blank Space.” Here are just a few of the chilling lines describing our dark future.


“Oh my God, look at that face

You look like my next mistake”

This line, which appears early in the song, references a notable or otherwise shocking face. Throughout much of his time in the public eye, many remarks have been made about the face of Donald Trump, such as how it resembles a constipated jack-o’-lantern left under a barber’s chair. Swift then speaks from the perspective of the nation by declaring him to be America’s “next mistake.”

 

“New money, suit and tie

I can read you like a magazine

Ain’t it funny, rumors fly

And I know you heard about me”

These lines further clarify that she is talking about Trump by noting his love of suits. One is reminded of when, on the way to a baseball game, Trump wordlessly struck down his own son for wearing a jersey rather than a suit. Which is surprising: such a feat seems impossible for such a baby-fingered troll.  This passage also contains a reference to Trump’s failed magazine, Trump Magazine,  which shut down in 2009 and was not notable enough to even have a Wikipedia page (making it even less notable than the least notable Pokémon).

Boys only want love if it’s torture

Trump has mentioned multiple times to be in favour of torture methods like waterboarding, which suggests his love of torture is similar to his love for his daughter: vocal, public, and weirdly sexual. He mentioned he would also make the American military commit war crimes. This forcing will likely take the form of stomping his feet or, as a last resort, holding his breath.


“It’ll leave you breathless

Or with a nasty scar”

These lines predict the alarming spike in hate crimes that began on the day immediately following the election, surprising no one, due to the platform having been inspired entirely by the songs of Disney villains.

 

These excerpts are only a few of many hidden in the song; clearly Swift is the prophet of our time. Her warnings of other cataclysmic events, which are no doubt hidden in most if not all of her other songs, still remain to be seen. Does “Love Story” predict a soon-to-be-revealed love affair between Trump and his running mate Mike Pence? Is “The Story of Us” actually the story of the US? Was Back to December” a message to time travelers about the Electoral College? Only time will tell. After all, to quote Swift, “Don’t say I didn’t, say I didn’t warn ya.”

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