This article is dedicated to this author’s most honourable chairman of their heart, Z.
If you have someone causing a mass uprising in your lower class, use these tricks to spice things up with your own comrade.
- Liven up your sex life with your own Lenin and try these trendy positions together:
- The Mao: Get on your knees, bow down, kowtow, and go down on your chair(wo)man.
- The Bernie: Keep 1% of your clothes on in protest.
- Animal Farm (by George Orwell): Host an orgy with your anti-capitalist fuckbuddies in an abandoned barn (fursuits optional).
- Don’t be afraid to use props. Spank your comrade with a copy of Das Kapital while you beg for them to Putin in you.
- Marx up your honey with some hickeys to let everyone know they’re yours.
- Reclaim the means of production by doing some reproducing of your own and burning a sweatshop factory together!
- At a loss for lingerie? Wear nothing but a red flag.
- Have a picnic; make like a post-communist revolution and share those goods.
- If your bae is bad and bourgeoisie, take a page from Bey’s anti-capitalist lyrics and tell ‘em to go, “to the left, to the left.”
- Huddle around a cozy fireplace for a proletariat snuggle.
- Tinder-tip! Message your match first with lines like: “If you’re feelin’ sickle, I can hammer you all night long.”
- Delete your capitalist ex off your phone and wish them a great time in the gulag.
- Take pics together! Shoot them like the czar they are.
- Nothing goes a long way like love letters about left-wing theory.
- Roleplaying is everything — blindfold your lover(s), take them out to the woods for a good ‘gangbang,’ and execute the entire Russian royal family for treason! Protip: Hide the body of the youngest daughter to keep things mysterious!